Bellybean

Just a quick little update here. There are no pictures to be shared because it still didn't look like much but we saw the heart flickering away on the monitor, and we saw the bean bounce or jump or what have you. That was the cutest part. I was like, "Is it moving?" The doctor said, "No, not right now," but then it went **bloop** right up on the screen! Yay!

The doctor says he puts the due date at November 30th which I know is way too late in the game, because I found out the day I missed my period. There is just no way I would've caught it when I was technically 2 weeks pregnant because that would've been conception. So I'm gonna leave it around the 17th and maybe a few days after. So here we go.

Super Mom I Am Not

...But, I had visions of being one of those moms who bought and prepared all organic food for her children. Delusions of grandeur, it would appear. In the past week, Jamie has tried and thoroughly enjoyed lasagna, chef boyardee ravioli, a slice of cheese pizza, an entire corn dog, and an ice cream cone. Granted, my mother and grandmother were both present for the ice cream and it was, in fact, at Nanny's request that I gave him the first lick. Disclaimer: The pizza and corn dog were, of course, both torn into bite sized chunks and served with a delicious cup of whole milk.

I would really like to say that we simply don't have the money to buy all organic. True. Or that there aren't really any local organic stores. Partially true. But the simple truth of the matter is that I want him to eat these things. I want him to have all the things we thought were delicious when we were kids (and still do). Now is it also true that I've grown up to be terribly obese? Yes, it is. Loving friends, I appreciate that it's in your nature to negate this but it doesn't change the hard cold fact. I am obese. But my brother and mother and father all enjoyed these things as children and grew up to be healthy adults in the weight department. None of them are even close to overweight. The difference is that I am lazy. But those children will not be my children. How is it even possible to let weight get that out of control?

If there is one thing that I do plan on instilling in my children, it's that activity is so important. I don't think it will be hard because my husband was involved in karate and was outdoors all the time as a child. My brother enjoyed amazing stints in karate and baseball, and while my mother tried to have me involved in things like ballet and softball (at my request) I quickly lost interest due to bad experiences with snobbish girls. I hope to find positive people for Jamie and his sibling(s) to play with. I know there's always that one kid but when you are the awkward chubby kid who's not that good and they all talk about you behind your back it becomes really hard to enjoy. I had a great experience in band and I hope to find something like that for my kids where they fit in. Be it football, soccer, swimming, ballet, band, martial arts, track, etc. I want them to find something early that they enjoy and feel good doing so they have a positive experience with exercise!

Then I can say yes to hamburgers and french fries and pizza and ice cream. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to feed them only junk and be the mom with the 300 lb. six year old, but I'm not going to stress the occasional Happy Meal. Besides, how can I deny the pure joy on this face?

Bring It On, Baby Bean!

Well, it would appear that it has begun. I've thrown up twice today. I'm still hopeful that the first couple of vomit free weeks is a sign that I'll be one of those normal first trimester pukers!

The doctors office needed me to drink 32 ounces of water before my appointment this morning so that it would be easier to see my tiny bean in there. Are you serious?!!! I really think this picture of Jamie perfectly captures how I felt at the thought of this. His eyes are just completely bulging out of his head. The horror! In fact, the second puke was due largely to the 32 ounces of evil water.

So anyhow, it seems I'm not someone who will totally escape the "joys" of pregnancy but this time I'm ready. I'm not going in totally ignorant of what's to come and I won't be blindsighted by all the awfulness that may present itself. Bring forth the hurling and the mood swings! Summon the heartburn and the stretch marks! I will be victorious! You can fight me from the inside all you want little Belew, but in the end, I will win and you'll be brought into the world as a part of this crackpot family. Mwahahahaha! Hopefully once you get here you won't think I'm so bad afterall and you'll be a lovely dear of a baby, just like your brother.

The baby wants me to barf again. Later, loves!

What Dreams May Come

One of the best and yet strangest parts of my last pregnancy were the dreams. They were vivid. They were odd. They were realistic. I often couldn't tell if i were truly awake or not. One of my most common dreams while pregnant with Jamie was that I needed to get up but could not open my eyes. I'd struggle and struggle until I finally realized I was dreaming and then I'd wake up...but not really. This would happen about four or five times, and it would always take several minutes before I could convince myself that I truly was awake.

So far, this pregnancy has been utterly different in nearly every way except for the missed period. I've had no vomiting and barely any nausea thus far. Well, what I'd call barely any. It's more like manageable nausea, which is still totally different. I've been in a rather good mood and I'm sure multiple people, especially my husband, would attest that was not the case last time. I told a friend that I haven't even wanted to smother him in his sleep for breathing yet! I've been having occasional cramps (which a few girls have assured me is ok, unless I have bleeding). I completely felt like I was going to start my period. That is so different from last time that I didn't even expect to be pregnant. With Jamie, I felt pregnant from the start. I was having absolutely no signs of an impending period and knew I just had to have a little person growing in there.

Now the "nearly" part comes in the form of the dreams. I've once again been having those interesting, vivid dreams. In fact, it was the the main way I suspected pregnancy. I had a dream that my cousin Jessica and I were at some college dorms and she had her baby and it was a girl. She was born with a full head of black hair that was in a Pebbles-style ponytail! Jessica, if Caroline looks like this, she'll be the cutest newborn ever!

The baby was really alert and could already sit up by herself. She was just looking around on and sitting on Jessica's stomach but was still all gooey!!! Then her husband took them up the hill and I was like "Crap! She didn't tell me her name!" and for some reason I could not get my backpack together to come after them and find out what the baby's name was!!!

I recounted this dream to her in a Facebook comment, which also included the closing line, "haha, after a dream like that i'm not sure who's the pregnant one here?!" This was two hours before I took a positive pregnancy test. How's that for ironic?! (which I'm told could be the wrong use of the word) ^_~

5 Weeks+10 Months+26 Years= Unprepared

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's official. I'm pregnant again. And though I adore my son and children in general, I find myself already questioning my ability to do this again so soon. Jamie is amazing and he's everything I could've asked for in a first child. (notice the neglect to include "first pregnancy") Needless to say there were a lot of questions running through my mind when I realized it was clearly 2 lines on that infamous little stick. What if this is a wonderful pregnancy and a difficult child? What if we don't get into a house with three bedrooms by the time #2 arrives? What if i'm not mentally capable of 2 kids under 2? What will other people think? What sacrifices will we have to make to afford it?

I have to say that there was one thought that hadn't even entered my mind until yesterday. Yesterday was the big day of announcing it to the families. Though they did seem quite excited, I'm positive I overheard someone say "Poor Guy" directly after the news was given. Now, if they were referring to my husband, they are sadly misinformed because he is the one who has been pestering me for #2 since Jamie was about 5 months old! Of course, the most logical thought is that they were referring to my son which, even in jest, I still would've found slightly annoying.

This is a thought I'd never considered. I'd never considered that, because of the new baby being so close in age to Jamie, my son would not get a turn in the spotlight or that he would somehow be forgotten or left behind too early in his young life or passed over by family in favor of the new arrival. I never considered because it's something I would never let happen. Let's face it, with total disregard for tooting my own horn. I'm a fantastic mother...and fabulous with children in general. They love me and it's because i have a true love for them. This second child coming when Jamie is so young might be a bigger challenge financially, mentally, or even socially (because it's seriously hard to do stuff with friends now) but it most certainly won't be a challenge where attention is concerned. If I have enough love to give to 16 kids in a preschool class every single day, I certainly have enough to share with my own two children.

Jamie's going to have all the love he wants; make no mistake about that. And #2 has wiggled it's way into our hearts as quickly as it did my uterus. I have big plans for my family...big plans.

He doesn't know what's in store, but he looks pleased anyhow!