Mommy Meltdown

This morning I awoke to crushing anxiety about the impending birth of my second son! Sounds awesome right?! I'm starting to slowly freak out about the 2 under 2 thing. Yes, I'm aware that people do it all the time. Yes, I'm aware how people get pregnant. I don't want people to misunderstand. I'm very excited to be adding to my family. I'm just starting to feel increasing fear about my ability to handle these guys all day together as a stay-at-home mom. The suspense is killing me.

On the plus side, I did have a "supermom" moment earlier today. My 17 month old and I went out to do some early Christmas shopping (I'm trying to get done before the baby arrives so I won't have to tote both of them). we went to lunch at Pei Wei. generally, I just hold his hand and let him walk because, at this point, it's difficult to carry him on top of the hard belly. When we got inside, he got nervous from all the people and demanded up. My other hand was full, so I hoisted him up over my gut with one arm, ordered, paid, and then got the high chair out with my other arm all with my 35.99999 week pregnant belly. Yay me!

Moms who've already survived 2 under 2...I salute you!

Aging Ungracefully

At some point the line was crossed, and I want to know when. When did this happen to me? Today, I was eating lunch at Moe's when a group of high schoolers came in. I'm not talking 5 or 6 here. I'm talking at least 50 by the time we were done. I don't know why they were all there, nor do I really care. What I am concerned about is that, suddenly, I was old! I mean, it's ridiculous really, how old I'm still feeling. "I'm not old. I'm 37." (Okay, i'm 26 but I couldn't resist the urge to reference Monty Python.) Let me say that my intention is not to make older friends and family feel like cavemen, but to ponder this sad and simple fact of life: When did I go from feeling like this...

Seriously, those are high school freshman!


to this?!!!

Sure, I see high school kids all the time but never in such large quantities that you can compare and say, "Good Lord! They all look that young!" Somewhere, just in the last couple of years, I've begun to see myself as a different person. This should have been immediately obvious to me when I first realized that I was still unconsciously saying I was 25 when I'm, in fact, about to turn 27? Did I forget my age? Is the pregnancy amnesia more severe than I was lead to believe? I mean, honestly folks, I have to stop and think about how old I am. What's with that? No matter how many times I tell myself, "You're 26, Amanda. 26. Almost 27," there's a little voice of defiance deep within shouting back, "25!" I can almost see her there, with her arms folded, glaring back at me.

I know, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not old by a long shot, but man have I been smacked in the face with this today. Some may suggest that maybe it's because I'm now a mom, but what about teen mothers? Do they feel like they're not high schoolers anymore when they still are? I don't think it's because I'm a mother. I think it's because I'm officially closer to 30 than to 20. So, now I'm wondering, will I be hit with this feeling each time I cross the halfway point in another decade? 36, 46, 56?

I can only hope I age as gracefully as my mother or ya know, Jane Seymour. (I had to choose a fellow ginger, ya know...even if it's not natural.)

58!!! That woman right there is fifty-eight!!!

Dear Husband,

Over at BabyCenter.com, there are many birth clubs and forums and topics. In my November 2009 forum, there are constantly girls posting threads about their husbands laughing at their pregnant appearance, leaving their pregnant wives and girlfriends, saying maybe it would be better if the baby would die (Seriously?!!), and just being all around dicks. One mom started a thread for us with decent men to post a letter of thanks to them. Sadly, not many participated. Now I'm not saying that Tyler doesn't have his flaws. He's got loads of them, as do I, but this is about all the amazing things he does every day. This was what I posted (with a few others added as I thought of them).

"Dear Husband,

I am so grateful that you're the man in my life (though, clearly, I don't always show it appropriately...or at all) Every day I'm reminded by friends, family, and people I don't even know how lucky I am to have a man who is as responsible, generous, and patient as you. Thank you for helping with our son as much as you do. There are too many dads who are uninvolved in their childrens' lives, even if they live in the same home. Thank you for busting your ass at work and for asking me to be a stay-at-home mom b/c that's the kind of care you want for your children. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made in order to keep a job closer to where we grew up just because you know how very important my family and friends are to me, and even though you know I'd move with you wherever. Thank you for the massive amount of help you gave me, while I was recovering from the preeclampsia and for forcing me to rest (even when I was in hysterics trying to defy you) because that's what the doctor ordered. Thank you for struggling to keep your eyes open til I fall asleep on nights when I'm having an anxiety attack. We both know how hard it is for you to stay awake once you're ready for bed.

Thank you for never, ever telling me you think I look bad when we both know there are plenty of times I'm not looking great. Thank you for never mentioning the 50 or so stretch marks I got while making your son. Thank you for telling me I'm your best friend. Thank you for pregnant foot massages. Thank you for not being the giant douche of a man that some of my friends always seem to end up with. Thank you for chasing down Mattie right before our wedding rehersal because you love that dang dog as much as I do, even if you don't always admit it. Thank you for our first date being a messy barbeque joint and playing pool. Definitely not the most romantic of first dates, but look where it's landed us in 7 years! Thank you for being exactly what my mother prayed for me, and on that topic, for loving your extended family. Thank you for seeming to love me in spite of all the crazy floating around in here.

You're amazing and I love you, but don't think this means you're getting some tonight."

Growing Pains

Up until I became a mother, I thought I grasped all forms of that term. "Growing pains," pains in the legs and knees before your teen years, the emotional pains that come with adolescence, and a cheesy 80s sitcom that I watched and adored. Last night I came to the realization that parents experience their own growing pains, with the growth and development of their children. I know, you're thinking, "Hello?! You just figured this out?" Well, no. I've known from the first hint of a developmental milestone that some parents ache at the thought of their baby getting bigger, me included, but it's not something I had given a name to, until the phrase entered my mind around 4 this morning.

We decided to try to move Jamie to his toddler bed. We bought a video monitor, because Jamie sleeps with his door closed, and I knew that I would be desperate to see whether he'd fallen out or climbed out or gotten into trouble even though his room is completely baby proof. (He's very ingenuitive, as toddlers often are) I didn't want to keep opening the door and waking him if, in fact, he was sleeping in his bed, which is exactly what he did for the first four hours.

Tyler put him down, as usual, walked out, and closed the door. Jamie sat up and cried for a few minutes but was asleep within ten. He does this most nights, but by cry, I mean whine. He didn't even attempt to get out of the bed. I thought, "Hey, this is gonna work!" and started my own nightly struggle against insomnia. Each time I got up to use the restroom, I checked the monitor and there he was sound asleep in his bed. Around midnight however, it started to go downhill. He woke up crying, which he generally does in his crib at some point during the night, but only once and not for more than ten minutes before he's back to sleep for the remainder of the evening. I told myself that this was more of the same, and it was...sort of. He would cry and then "sleep" for about ten minutes and then cry again. This happened over and over again for about 2 hours. I wanted to go in sooner, but I kept hearing Tyler's voice in my head, "Let him do it. If you go in there, he won't go back to sleep." Never once did Jamie try to climb out of the bed. He just stared at the edge like he was confused, and I think that's precisely what the problem was. He didn't know what was going on. Eventually, though, I looked at my crying baby on the monitor and then looked at my soundly asleep husband, and the baby won.

I went in there and sat beside him. I patted his back. I covered him snuggly. I tried everything and when it was apparent that he was not going to let me put him back to sleep in his bed, I carried him to my bed. He was excited to be there. He saw his daddy, but quickly noticed that his dear ole dad was dead to the world at the moment. (Tyler's the kind of person who can sleep through two hours of toddler cries and wake up in the morning with, "Jamie did great, didn't he? Told you there was nothing to worry about." At which point, I'd be considering the best way to strangle him.) Jamie relaxed but continued to stare at Tyler. As soon as Tyler moved in his sleep, Jamie took that as an invitation. He shouted, "Daddyyyy!" and poked him in the face.
"Ow!" shouted Tyler.

"No!" shouted I.
"Wah!" shouted Jamie and that was the end of Jamie's stay in our bed. And the end of Jamie sleeping in a toddler bed, for now.

Tyler carried him back to bed, changed his diaper, fixed him a cup of milk, and while he was laying there drinking it, Tyler put the front of the crib back on the bed. Jamie went back to sleep and is still asleep now at 8 o'clock. That's about 5 hours, at this point. At least, Jamie had pretty good timing. It was about 3:10 when he woke Tyler, who would've had to have gotten up at 3:30 today anyhow.

As I finally tried going back to sleep myself around 4 am, after Tyler had left for work, I thought about growing pains and about how different ones affect each parent with such different magnitudes. I felt slight pangs every time he outgrew clothes or diapers as well as when I looked at "old" pictures and realized he would never look like that baby ever again. I had no trouble switching him to solid foods or a sippy cup. In fact, those things made me glad. I felt sad the first time Tyler pointed out that we had a toddler, but it was quickly replaced by the joys of having such an adorable being. I have a close-knit family including in-laws and several competent friends, so letting Jamie have his first night away was not that major. Sure, I stayed awake and wondered what he was doing all night, but it didn't cause me the same anxiety I felt leading up to this. Why, I wonder, did I feel so much angst at taking away my baby's crib? Why is this particular thing such a sore spot for me, personally? Now that I'm pondering it, I think I'll wait til Jamie's about thirteen to move him out of his crib.

Not exactly the "Growing Pains" I was referring to, but ya gotta love those early 90s hairstyles!

SHOW US YOUR LIFE FRIDAY - Favorite Vacation Spot

A girl who's blog I frequent has been doing this for many months and the topics are always fun and interesting to me so I finally decided I would hop on the "Show Us Your Life Friday" bandwagon.

This week's topic is "Favorite Vacation Spot." For a quick trip I love to go to Cincinatti, OH but my most favorite trip that I've been on was to Oahu, Hawaii. Maybe that's because I got engaged there or maybe it was just because it was fantastically beautiful in a way that I'd never before experienced. Whatever the reason, it's somewhere I am dying to visit again someday and so I suppose that makes it my favorite vacation spot.

Here's a shot when we were first arriving. The only unfortunate thing about these pictures is that I only had a video camera as a digital camera at the time and so they aren't of the highest quality, nor are they nearly bright and vivid enough to show all the true beauty.

Upon arrival, as is their custom, we were given beautiful live leis that smelled divine. Our hotel did not have an ocean view or even a good view (it was an alley) but that's what made it affordable for us. However it was right in the middle of Waikiki and a 2 block walk to the beach. Wonderful!

On our first full day we went on a submarine ride which was really interesting and beautiful with all the blue light filtering through. Later we went shopping and bought some Hawaiian attire to wear to the luau, as recommended to us by the locals. The luau we saw was fantastic and I would go again to the same one in a heartbeat.

It was a wednesday when we got engaged and really one of the most fun days of my life. We started out by renting a car to drive around the island. We got a convertible, something I highly recommend! It was the most beautiful drive. We stopped at the Dole Pineapple Plantation and went through the maze which was fun and really romantic. We went to the best pizza place I've ever been, Pizza Bob's. Then we went to Turtle Bay and saw my favorite animal ever, the sea turtle, swimming right there in nature. It was awesome. I mean, simply amazing. (The picture with the rocks is Tyler scouting for a big turtle. The encounter we video taped.) We went to Sunset Beach which is fantastically beautiful and the water couldn't have been more clear. After that was off to Pali Lookout for the proposal fiasco. Ha.

Pali Lookout is a beautiful mountain lookout that lets you see a great deal of the island. It's amazing and would've been super romantic had it not been for the unbelievable winds! Tyler kept trying to get me to stay a little longer but I kept telling him the wind was hurting me and so I started walking back down to the car. He looked awfully pouty and when I asked him what was wrong he said, "I just thought that would've been a really good place to propose." Ha. The parking lot worked just fine, too. Ha.

The rest of the experience was equally fantastic from walking Waikiki at night, to the dinner cruise, to souvenir shopping in the international market before we went home. I really can not wait til we have an opportunity to go back!

Pregnancy Parasite & Staying At Home

Can you believe people actually purchase these on the black market for a diet solution?!

It would appear that Charlie is a true parasite, which, frightens me when I think about delivering what's sure to be a 60 lb infant. At my last OB appointment, I'd lost another 2 pounds. It's not something that's detrimental by any means when you're as over weight as I am. In fact, the doctor says that I'll probably weigh less after I give birth than before I got pregnant. That would be excellent indeed, but I'm not really planning on that to happen. In my ever pessimistic mind, I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out...or "to expand" (terrible, i know).

A friend of mine recently had to write a blog about how she has to spend most of her day at work thanks to debts that must be paid back and at the expense of seeing her own child. This makes me very sad but it also reminds me to be very thankful. I'm so grateful every day that we are financially able to allow me to stay home with Jamie. Granted, by the time Charlie gets here, I wouldn't be able to work anyhow because of the cost of two children in daycare. There's just no way we could afford $300 a week with a daycare paycheck. Nevertheless, I could be working right now to make every last penny we could get before having two children. Thankfully, I don't have to.

Jamie is in quite an adorable stage right now and I'm very glad I get to relish in practically every second of it. I love when he picks up a book or magazine or picture and says, "Wa sat?!" (which is "What's that?!" for adults) and that I'm able to tell him or in the case of it being something he knows, turning it around and saying "I don't know. What is that?" I love when he looks at every dog and goes "oof oof ow ow!" which is really a dog woofing and a cat meowing together but hey, it's adorable. I love when he signs "All done" and pushes his plate away so I know he's finished eating. There are so many things changing and new stuff that he's learning about literally every single second that I'm so thankful to be sharing it with him while I have the time to focus all my attention on him. Maybe I'll feel differently when there are two to chase (because I know parents with more than one kid who stress staying at home) but for now I think this is a pretty amazing life and I promise to enjoy every minute I have with little Jamie before I miss it and he's big Jamie.

For those women out there who have to work to support their family, fear not. My mother worked overtime all the time and my brother and I were in daycare pretty much every day growing up. She and I couldn't have been closer! (except for that pesky preteen stage, of course. ha) When we go out to this day people say with such shock "You guys seem like best friends!" like it's unheard of that a mother and daughter would get along that well. So, it is truly possible to let your children know you adore them even if you have to spend most of your time at work. As long as you make the most of the time you do have with your children, they'll never notice that it's less than the time they spend at the nursery.

Charles Grady Belew and a New House, Too!

Let me just say that I can't wait for us to finally be all settled in to the new house and for the last box to be unpacked! The plan is to be mostly done this weekend, but we'll see. The end does seem within reach, at least, and that is a very positive thing. I promise pictures of the home are coming as soon as the piles of stuff have been placed in their proper locations. We're very excited about the upcoming housewarming party.

I mainly just dropped by to spread the news that we are, as I suspected, having another boy. Boys seem to run rampant in the Belew family so I really didn't expect to see anything other than a willie. We didn't even have full names picked 

out for a girl. While Jamie was annoyed by our mere presence at his 20 week ultrasound and tried in vain not to show anyone his manly bits, Charlie showed his differences to his big brother by spreading his legs for the world to see. I can't wait for the time when he and Jamie are able to play together and hope they will be lifelong buddies. Jackson will only be 4-5 months older than Charlie and with the two of them living so close, I have a feeling they will become thick as thieves, while Jamie shows them who has all the authority! Continuing my new surroundings of all boy children, it seems Nanny's house will be amuck with little guys. Come christmas she'll have my two, as well as Isaac filling up her home. (Sheesh. This Christmas, Jamie will be old enough for Santa Claus. That will be exciting.) It seems I can register now for the baby shower everyone keeps asking me to have...not tha

t I'm complaining. I better wait until fall clothing starts coming back out.

This little guy seems much more active than Jamie already but the doctor said I'm probably just more aware this time. I disagree. I think he really is more active. He's all over the place! He's my little popcorn baby. Perhaps, Mexican Jumping Bean is more appropriate since he has me craving tortilla chips pretty much nonstop. Tonight we're going to Moe's Southwest Grill before we run some more house errands and I am completely stoked! I'm obsessively checking the clock for the time Tyler will be home. I'll leave you w

ith a look at our newest edition. Some say alien, I say adorable!

Two Outta Three Ain't Bad

It appears my mystical powers have failed me. I guessed right on my friend Emily's girl and my friend Erika's boy, but my cousin Jessica decided to spite me and have a little boy instead of the lady I'd predicted. Actually, I believe everything Jessica has done in her pregnancy was to spite me. First, she went and had not a smidge of morning sickness. Then, she thought it would be funny if she showed me how few stretch marks she could get (i.e. zero). And for her grand finale, she decided to have a 6 hour natural labor. That's it?! Six hours?! Who is this super woman?! Aren't we supposed to have some of the same genes? I always knew Nanny loved "Perfect Jessica" the best. I should have known that she passed her awesome pregnancy genes to her first grand-daughter on purpose.

For those of you that don't know my relationship with my cousin, I jest. "Perfect Jessica" is something I said in an angry tantrum long ago...I think it was last week. Sorry, I can't help myself sometimes. And the previous paragraph is all based on the fact that last Thanksgiving, Jessica declared she was glad we were not pregnant at the same time because she was sure I would hate her. Well, in the meantime, I went and got knocked up purely to see if her theory was true. That was the whole reason for Belew #2. It turns out I did not hate being pregnant at the same time as her. In fact, I am so proud of her and happy for her and my entire family that a new addition has been added. She's a tough old bird just like Nanny and I adore that.

Though her whole situation did get me thinking. Is my Gingervitis the cause of my crappy pregnancy? There are two types of people on the Long side of the family, those that look like straight up Native Americans and those that seem they jumped the boat from Ireland. There's not really an in between. Perhaps there's a severe nausea gene that hitches a ride over with the freckles and one for stretch marks getting cozy with the one for red hair. Someone should do research on this subject for the sake of ginger moms everywhere. (Again, I jest but only half-heartedly)

I'm sure baby Isaac is adorable and I will post a picture of him here as soon as there is one to post, so check back often. As for me, I can't wait to get up there and meet him at Jessica's earliest convenience. Perhaps I'll tow Nanny along because Lord knows she wouldn't get up there unless she's baited by a chance at holding a new baby. I'll even take a graveyard shift just so they can get a whole night of sleep. Have a wonderful first night at home with your son, Wonder Woman!

Isaac Bradley Wilder, 7 lbs 4 oz, 21 in.
Ready to start yapping, a Nanny Long trait! (We pop out the alert ones)

The Best Days

As I sit here watching my son grin while he pretends to eat cereal puffs out of an empty container, I can't help but think of my friends...friends that are expecting babies, friends that have new little ones, and friends who are waiting for their time to come...and I'm filled with amazement and a little amused by the advanced knowledge at how much better their lives will become. Each day with your own child brings some new wonder, and just when you feel you couldn't possibly love anyone or anything any more, your baby suddenly will become magically more adorable than the previous second.

Now, I'm not foolish enough to think that every parent in the world is a good one and that everyone has love for their children, but the women I have in mind most certainly will. And I don't care how cliche it is, the truth remains that the love you feel as a mother is the best kind of love. I'm also not so insane to ignore the fact that there will always be bad days but for every completely and utterly bad day there are 50 good ones with your child. (that's coming from a woman who battles depression consistently) Last night I was sobbing uncontrollably, but in the midst of it jamie was runnig across the living room and throwing himself at the floor. Then he would roll like he'd had a major spill and giggle, and I couldn't help but laugh through my tears.

Currently, Jamie is laying on me and tickling me waiting for me to laugh. I'm serious. His first word was tickle and he has now mastered the concept. He wiggles his fingers on my arm, stomach, whatever's closest saying "tickle, tickle, tickle" until I belt out my most convincing laugh. I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you ladies, even the ones with newborns, that you can imagine it, but you truly have no idea of the joy you are in for. Sappy I guess, but true. Even now, I'm surprised every day by this love. I'm so excited to have ladies to share it with.

I need to shave.

Tennessee Gypsies

Our family is officially homeless. Well, I suppose not officially. The house hasn’t technically closed but the fact remains that other people now live in the home on Mercury Boulevard. The couple that wanted to buy our house chose the 29th of May for their closing date because that’s when their lease was up on their apartment. The closing didn’t go through on the planned date and they were freaking out about not having a place to stay, so we wrote up a rental agreement with our real estate agent for a week because “They” tell us the closing will happen by the end of this week…here’s hoping.

After that, we’ll just be waiting on our loan to process (a seemingly endless task, even with great credit) and then it’s off to live in our new home. We drove by it the other day just to take a peek at the outside and were pleasantly surprised to see our six foot privacy fence already installed. During the walk-thru, the builder told us that they wouldn’t even start on it until we closed, which would have made it two weeks without a fence for Max & Mattie. We also peeked in the windows at our new appliances. This house comes fully loaded with a brand new stove, refrigerator, microwave, ice maker, disposal, dishwasher, and a washer and dryer! Not many builders throw in those last two. I’m totally excited.

When we do finally close, we will still be having that painting party I mentioned. I don’t know when to expect to close now so it may be a couple days notice for it. I know last minute doesn’t work for a lot of people but even one person helping is more than no people helping, so we’ll take whoever has the time to help out a pregnant lady with a one year old who isn’t really supposed to be painting. (How do you like that sympathy card?!) Yes, Emily, I know that looks like it says Jamie isn’t supposed to be painting.
I’ll provide pizza or something…wings, perhaps. When we do know when we’ll be closing, I’ll send out notice. Trust me.

Currently we’re vagrants roaming Tennessee with a car full of suitcases. We started at Tyler’s Granny’s house but she has a lot going on this week and doesn’t need the added stress of house guests. That lasted 5 nights. Sunday we headed west on a caravan to Henrietta. We’re now staying in the old double wide at my parents’ house. Good ole Cheatham County is quite far away from well, everything, but at least we’re in our own space and will hopefully not be stressing out my parents.

We discovered when we got here that Mattie stayed in the outdoor kennel for about two days before breaking the wire and escaping. She has since been living happily as a country dog on my parents’ property and is not the hundred miles away we would’ve expected her to be at this point. It’s going to be heart-breaking to put her into a fenced yard but we would hate to part with her, and she clearly wants to be with us. She spent the entire day curled up next to the sliding door of the double wide. Mom would’ve let Max out but he hates everything animal. He tried to attack her two dogs and would most definitely eat the cat and probably get stepped on by the horses trying to take them down as well. Apparently, he didn’t get the memo that he’s 20 lbs and about a foot tall. He’s always been very picky about his animal friends. If Tyler and I don’t bring them into his world for him then he assumes they are the enemy and must be stopped. Dogs. We're not sure yet whether Beans will be back to live with us or not. She certainly has a better situation at Boxwell than she would at our house but she's welcome to come back anytime, of course.

Soon all 5 of us, 6 if you count the baby (who I am convinced is Charlie) will have a home and a backyard and will not be right on a four lane road. I will be counting down the days to that!